Microhard Mutilators
The Microhard Mutilators are one of the teams in Mutant Football League. They are a parody of the Seattle Seahawks, with Microhard being a parody of the Microsoft Corporation, headquartered in the Seattle area. The roster consists of Skeletal Deadheads, Monster Orcs and BruiserBots. Their logo is the head of a dragon, shown in profile. Their stadium is Hard Crash Field situated in Microhard, Moshington and is a parody of CenturyLink Field.
One of the most talented teams in the league with a ferocious defense. The Mutilators are well financed corporate team, owned by Microhard. The have All-Star players on both sides of the ball, their All-Star QB, Hustle Killsome is the envy of the league. On defense they are led by their All-Star safety Hurl Vomit and the Sherminator, if he doesn't kill you with his hard hitting, he'll trash talk you to death. (Mutant Football League, Team Scouting)
Theme[edit | edit source]
Knuckleduster by Matthew Kurpakus
All-Stars[edit | edit source]
- Mouthy Sherminator
- #25 Cover back
- Hurl Vomit
- #29 Safety
- Hustle Killsome
- #3 Quarterback
- Slobby Banger
- #54 Line Basher
- Manic Benditt
- #72 Blitzer
- Riff Anvil
- #56 Blitzer
- Thug Scaldem
- #89 Wide reciever
OVERALL: 85
- Offense: 82
- Defense: 91
- Special Teams: 83
Dirty Tricks[edit | edit source]
Offense:
Defense:
Player Stats[edit | edit source]
Offense:
Quarterbacks
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Throwing Velocity (TVC) | Short Accuracy Throwing (SAC) | Deep Accuracy Throwing (DAC) | Throwing Power (THP) | Intelligence (INT) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hustle Killsome* | Skeleton | 90 | 78 | 100 | 91 | 92 | 100 |
| Rocco Taco | Skeleton | 62 | 46 | 81 | 73 | 73 | 50 |
| Cursty Junk | Robot | 56 | 56 | 71 | 50 | 62 | 55 |
| Rustin Bravis | Robot | 60 | 60 | 75 | 63 | 66 | 53 |
| Mega Max | Orc | 64 | 69 | 79 | 69 | 84 | 56 |
Running Backs
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Route Running (RTE) | Break Tackles(BT) | Hands/Ability to not Fumble (HND) | Catching (CTH) | Speed (SPD) | Toughness (TGH) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Blitz Arson | Robot | 82 | 94 | 83 | 84 | 82 | 73 | 87 |
| Vomit Mauls | Orc | 66 | 85 | 78 | 77 | 76 | 51 | 75 |
| Steady Spacey | Orc | 56 | 57 | 63 | 79 | 73 | 47 | 78 |
| B.J. Prostate | Robot | 58 | 69 | 57 | 68 | 79 | 64 | 59 |
| Aton Toomanator | Robot | 60 | 67 | 79 | 54 | 77 | 43 | 83 |
Receivers
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Route Running (RTE) | Catching (CTH) | Vertical/Jumping (VER) | Speed (SPD) | Intelligence (INT) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Thug Scaldem* | Skeleton | 90 | 95 | 100 | 93 | 84 | 95 |
| Maul Triggerman | Robot | 80 | 86 | 88 | 86 | 86 | 81 |
| Banner Hellboy | Skeleton | 54 | 45 | 76 | 65 | 66 | 47 |
| Cypher Rocket | Robot | 68 | 79 | 77 | 75 | 84 | 54 |
| Kranky Rustix | Robot | 60 | 63 | 73 | 69 | 76 | 49 |
| Massacara Scarboh | Robot | 52 | 48 | 76 | 50 | 57 | 52 |
Bruise Receivers
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Route Running (RTE) | Catching (CTH) | Vertical/Jumping (VER) | Speed (SPD) | Intelligence (INT) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Grimmy Slam | Robot | 85 | 100 | 98 | 49 | 46 | 86 |
| Duke Chillsome | Orc | 60 | 56 | 77 | 50 | 48 | 47 |
| Robb N. Relentless | Skeleton | 59 | 56 | 75 | 56 | 56 | 52 |
| Sin N. Punishment | Robot | 65 | 64 | 79 | 47 | 44 | 57 |
Guards
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Pass Blocking (PBK) | Run Blocking (RBK) | Downfield Blocking (DBK) | Intelligence (INT) | Toughness (TGH) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Pure Jackal | Orc | 68 | 79 | 70 | 72 | 73 | 78 |
| Rust'n Grit | Orc | 74 | 88 | 75 | 79 | 78 | 86 |
| Insane Frown | Robot | 82 | 91 | 82 | 83 | 81 | 84 |
| Slowday Kaboomshki | Orc | 48 | 47 | 57 | 48 | 49 | 73 |
| Burbon Confetti | Robot | 68 | 75 | 51 | 78 | 78 | 84 |
| Pork Glowsticky | Orc | 58 | 54 | 62 | 61 | 47 | 83 |
Defense:
Blitzers
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Block Shedding (BSH) | Tackling (TAK) | Hitting Power (POW) | Pass Deflection (DEF) | Toughness (TGH) | Blitzing (BLZ) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Riff Anvil* | Orc | 94 | 100 | 100 | 94 | 94 | 87 | 100 |
| Manic Benditt* | Robot | 95 | 100 | 100 | 96 | 94 | 97 | 100 |
| Melded Triggerman | Orc | 82 | 100 | 97 | 79 | 65 | 79 | 100 |
| Razor Groans | Orc | 69 | 72 | 61 | 73 | 66 | 74 | 84 |
| Baron Bleed | Robot | 74 | 79 | 82 | 79 | 64 | 81 | 84 |
| Wank Shark | Orc | 67 | 76 | 61 | 80 | 62 | 77 | 78 |
Enforcers
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Block Shedding (BSH) | Tackling (TAK) | Hitting Power (POW) | Pass Deflection (DEF) | Aggressiveness (AGR) | Blitzing (BLZ) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| DJ NIV Smash | Orc | 95 | 92 | 100 | 100 | 82 | 100 | 100 |
| Choptimus Spine | Robot | 69 | 62 | 75 | 79 | 68 | 77 | 84 |
| Black Moo Rising | Skeleton | 69 | 74 | 73 | 64 | 63 | 76 | 89 |
| Chandler Mandhandler | Orc | 69 | 73 | 65 | 82 | 55 | 81 | 74 |
Cover Backs
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Man Coverage (MCV) | Intelligence (INT) | Tackling (TAK) | Vertical/Jumping (VER) | Speed (SPD) | Pass Deflection (DEF) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mouthy Sherminator* | Skeleton | 98 | 100 | 100 | 100 | 100 | 89 | 100 |
| Shakill Griffon | Robot | 83 | 91 | 91 | 83 | 83 | 76 | 81 |
| Rustin Moleman | Skeleton | 78 | 94 | 91 | 87 | 87 | 76 | 73 |
| Debondere Helliot | Skeleton | 59 | 57 | 66 | 54 | 70 | 69 | 67 |
| Chemically Insane | Robot | 63 | 67 | 61 | 63 | 71 | 66 | 63 |
| Seako Warp | Robot | 56 | 57 | 50 | 66 | 64 | 65 | 52 |
Line Bashers
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Man Coverage (MCV) | Block Shedding (BSH) | Intelligence (INT) | Tackling (TAK) | Hitting Power (POW) | Pass Deflection (DEF) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Psycho Killhoyt | Orc | 83 | 80 | 94 | 83 | 84 | 86 | 85 |
| U.R. Fright | Robot | 86 | 100 | 100 | 90 | 88 | 79 | 81 |
| Mucus Sith II | Skeleton | 70 | 68 | 92 | 63 | 79 | 64 | 79 |
| Terror Harmin | Robot | 85 | 94 | 94 | 92 | 96 | 85 | 79 |
| Slobby Banger* | Robot | 93 | 100 | 95 | 100 | 100 | 78 | 92 |
| E.J. Malicezander | Skeleton | 70 | 78 | 90 | 64 | 73 | 61 | 73 |
Safeties
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Man Coverage (MCV) | Intelligence (INT) | Tackling (TAK) | Vertical/Jumping (VER) | Speed (SPD) | Pass Deflection (DEF) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hurl Vomit* | Skeleton | 96 | 100 | 100 | 100 | 94 | 84 | 100 |
| Deadric Whompson | Skeleton | 60 | 70 | 60 | 67 | 59 | 70 | 71 |
| Radley McDookie | Robot | 60 | 62 | 57 | 75 | 65 | 54 | 72 |
| Wham NoChance | Robot | 79 | 91 | 89 | 89 | 80 | 74 | 84 |
| Wretch Bloodboil | Robot | 55 | 63 | 50 | 67 | 51 | 54 | 54 |
Special Teams:
Kickers
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Onsides Kicking (OSK) | Kicking Accuracy (KAC) | Kicking Power (KPW) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Flair Harsh | Robot | 83 | 100 | 76 | 86 |
Punters
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Punting Accuracy (PAC) | Punt Hangtime (HNG) | Punting Power (PPW) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bin Cry'n | Skeleton | 80 | 79 | 89 | 94 |
Burn Returners
| Player Name | Race | Overall | Break Tackles (BT) | Catching (CTH) | Speed (SPD) | Hands/Ability to not Fumble (HND) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hax Bonesaw | Skeleton | 85 | 86 | 88 | 91 | 92 |
Trivia[edit | edit source]
Player References
- Bruise Receiver Sin N. Punishment is a reference to Sin and Punishment, a rail shooter and shooting gallery video game co-developed by Treasure and Nintendo released in Japan for the Nintendo 64. The game would receive a sequel released worldwide entitled Sin & Punishment: Star Successor, released worldwide in 2009.
- Enforcer Choptimus Spine is a parody of Optimus Prime, the protagonist of the Transformers series.
Team Trivia
- The team is a spiritual successor to the Slaycity Slayers from the original Mutant League Football.
- The team is a reference to Mutilator, the final boss from the 1998 fighting game game, Bio F.R.E.A.K.S..
- They and the Hexxon Oilers are a reference to the NHL's Anaheim Ducks, in which all three are corporation owned teams (Microhard Corpoation, Hexxon Oil Corporation and The Walt Disney Company).
- Disney would own the team from 1993-2005 and would later sell the team in 2005 to Broadcom co-founder Henry Samueli, his spouse Susan, and current Calgary Flames president Brian Burke.
See also[edit | edit source]
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